The Writing Group

Monisawa · 2005-10-15 22:19:13

blewjewl wrote:

For Mike, I will get to your story soon, but I was going to quench some of your curiousity on my exerpt.
Since it's all the way in Chpt. 7 , those things are all answered earlier in the story but here are a couple.
The silver stone was given to Harmony by her mother, who is a sorceress. When she breaths across it's surface, she can understand and speak to animals. The Prince is her Father and the horse is still a fairly new character at this point in the story, but you can read the story to find out about him.

....OHHH...I see, I understand now. ^_^ I should have taken that into account before I commented.

BTW, I like your little paragraph excerpt. It was very clear on its imagery...at least in my head. -__- I find it amusing when someone takes a word and is INSPIRED by it....perhaps even create a whole bunch of things about it. ^_^ Just from one word. Inspirations are so strange. I was reading in the temple prep book, and it was talking about symbology....and that the strange markings we put on paper mean something. The word 'Eternity' is supposed to represent the vast infinite existance of time. Words, when carefuly thought about are pure and AWSOME. Though they are awkward and are usually overlooked for their true meanings. Just one sentence, with some very choice words, could say an entire story....just by the words it uses.

and to Saraphim....uh, how do you sorta feel inspired?? and maybe I will write some more?? ^_^ well whatever is best.

Thanks for participating!!!
mike

Seraphim Moonshadow · 2005-10-16 00:30:07

Nature. God. Lots of things. I'll expound later. But for right now, I'll say a cute little dragon helps me a lot. ^_^

Talduras · 2005-10-16 00:39:38

Hey, I felt inspired to work on my story. I just need to make myself work on it better.

Edit: Oh, and the prologue is better than most of my other rather... short sighted short story attempts. I don't like short stories, the making thereof. Waaah!

Anyway... um... hi!

Seraphim Moonshadow · 2005-10-16 00:41:02

*Pets lil dragon* Don't worry, you can do it! *Hugs* Wheee! I'll inspire you! *Drags him to his desk and makes him write*

Ygramul · 2005-10-18 07:43:56

Seraphim Moonshadow wrote:

Wriggling his toes into the itchy material, Brain stiffly slid down onto the cold stone floor. Scuffling lazily he wandered over to the brown chair and flopped down. Crossing his legs, Brian turned his attention to the steaming, jalape?o dotted cheesy omelet accompanied by a gargantuan goblet of rellenberry juice. With a slight grin of amusement he picked up the thick slave of homemade bread dappled with powdered sugar and took a dainty bite. Savoring the toast, he loftily picked up the juice and took a majestic sip. This was the life. Ah, yes, the life he deserved. And the juice had a perfectly creamy blueberry taste and what was this? Jam. Preserved rellenberry jam. However did they come up with such exotic foods in what looked like such a dreary, wintery place? And secondly, was that royal snob with her haughty flounce the cook? If so, she might be worth befriending.
He was ushered into the library, stripped of his belongings, and told to wait until someone took him to the parlor room. Meanwhile, they stored his things in his new room and while the servants toiled, Janus was busy thumbing through the books. He smiled half cattishly at the titles Twenty Ways to Make Dragon Flame Candy and Hair Potion: the man?s way of avoiding baldness. He couldn?t resist chuckling as he placed the books back in their proper places as soon as the maid came and lead him to the parlor room.

First story, I like how this paragraph deals with the senses. Everyone has experience itchy material so we all knew how uncomfortable that was. However, I was confused about what was going on here. Obviously, you plopped us downin the middle of the action. The paragraph was well written and makes people want to know more. Where is Brian? How did he get there? What does he look like? (That's my roommate's favorite question) Why is food so important to him?

Second story, Why was Janus stripped of his belongings, but had no problem looking about? When you use the word strip it conjurs the idea of being a prisoner or same such thing. Why is Janus there?

Seraphim Moonshadow · 2005-10-18 12:12:37

Dundundun......read more...and you'll find out....lol. They took his belongings so they could put them where he was staying.

As for Brain...well...you'll see that later, too. ^_^ Mwa....it's self-explanitory where they got him from. ^_^ I don't know how much you read....soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. How much have you read?

And thanks!

Ygramul · 2005-10-18 16:06:18

firegem wrote:

it was after hours in the moetown bar that friday. the joint had closed ten minutes ago, but the old gent at the end of the bar was still asking for whiskey. i had noticed how upset he had looked when he first came in, but didnt mind delivering order after order: he was making the joint some money.
"scuse me!!" he slurred now, trying feebly to hold up his glass. it kept swaying back and forth. "another!"
i went over to him."listen mack, dont you think its time to go home? youve had enough for tonight, and were closed."
he looked cross eyed at me, and then started crying. i lept back in surprise. "im sorry!!" he yelled, far too loudly. "its just that, i lost my rubber duckie, and now the world is coming to an end!!" he put his head down and started sobbing. i was looking at him, wondering if i could call the cops with out him noticing. i started inching away, but his head jerked up, and he grabbed the end of my shirt. "you have to help me!!" he screeched. "i was taking a bath, and then my rubber duckie went down the drain! that night, it visited me in my dream, ten times its normal size! it told me it was sooo mad i had lost it, that it would blow up the world if i didnt find him soon! i looked all over, on my roof, in the dogs kennel, in the fridge, in between my toes, but it hadnt washed up anywhere!! the world is going to die because of me!! what'll i do?" he put his head back down and continued to wail, but he still had a hold of my shirt. i reached for the phone, but slipped on some sort of alchoholic beverage that had suddenly appeared under my feet. i hit the ground hard. under the counter i saw something surprising: a rubber duckie. i picked it up and jumped to my feet. "i found your duckie!" i told the man. "it just happened to be under my bar tending thing." the man raised his tear streaked face. he lit up as soon as he saw the duckie. then he grabbed it and ran off, screaming "hallelujeih!!!" thats about when i quite my job. because the writer couldnt think of another suitable ending.

First off, please capitalize. It makes it so much easier to read. Second, it's always fun to just play around with writing, but it's always good to have a point. What was the point of losing a rubber duckie?

Ygramul · 2005-10-18 16:21:19

blewjewl wrote:

" Just then a crazy, scraggly looking black kitty leapt over the side of the pit at the princes who were trapped below.
'Scratches, NO! Bad Kitty!" the witch caught the creature in mid-flight and held her up by the scruff of her neck. "We don't want to eat the princes, I'm going to marry one. Maybe you can have the leftovers."
She tossed the kitty aside and peered into the pit. "We're going to play a little game." She said to her captives, "The rules are: I make the rules."
The princes galnced at each other as the witch sat back.
"Bachelor Number One!" she cackled, "Where would you take me on our first date?" she flitted her long green eyelashes at Bob.
"Ugh,"said Bob, "the only place I'd take you is the palace dungeon, it's the only place as ugly as you."
The witch giggled, pleased. "Why thank you! That's so romantic! Bachelor Number Two, what's my middle name?"
"Oh I know this one!" said Fred.
"No you don't,"said Bob, "how could you?"
"I met a witch before." said Fred.
"Have not! You should just give up now, you know I'm going to win."
"Yes I have, why do you always fight with me?" Fred was getting spiky and mad again. He didn't get the answer right, but the witch thought he was cute so she let them fight.
"Bachelor Number Three, in the event of a natural disatster and Scratches is thrown out of a window and I can't find my broom, how many warts would you have?"
Mo had no idea what she was talking about and he didn't want to marry a witch. 'Well, ' he thought ' guess I ought to be polite all the same.'
"You smell lovely." He said. It was the only thing he could think of.
The witch gasped. No one had ever insulted her like that before.
"Why you Toad!" she screeched.
ZAP! In a flash of light and smoke, Mo had been turned into a rather large and unpleasant toad. His brothers had changed too. The witch couldn't decide between them so she zapped them together. They were now a two headed prince. They were still fighting and didn't notice."

Actually, I really like this. It shows great promise if it is reworked and is an entertaining story. Why did the witch want to marry a prince, but then change her mind? Why did she like the other prince's answers when they were being insulting, but when Mo was polite she was insulted? What is going to happen to all of them?

Monisawa · 2005-10-18 18:17:13

Ygramul wrote:

Actually, I really like this. It shows great promise if it is reworked and is an entertaining story. Why did the witch want to marry a prince, but then change her mind? Why did she like the other prince's answers when they were being insulting, but when Mo was polite she was insulted? What is going to happen to all of them?

Unfortunately she only posted part of the story. She has the rest and showed it to some of us at the writing group....meeting thing. I bet if you ask her, she will post the rest of it, so that you can understand what happens and where she had been coming from.

BTW, missed you at family night yesterday. -_- not that we did anything...really.

thanks
mike

Monisawa · 2005-10-18 18:18:43

Ygramul wrote:

First off, please capitalize. It makes it so much easier to read. Second, it's always fun to just play around with writing, but it's always good to have a point. What was the point of losing a rubber duckie?

WOW! You're digging up some old stuff!! I guess you have to catch up when you can. Huh? Anyway....

Monisawa · 2005-10-19 18:42:19

Confusing twists of notes - not writt-en,
Phrases not being subtily spok-en.
What is the mean-ing,
when there is noth-ing that is commun-i-cated?

Blasting like a foamy sea, the dirt heaves up, as the foot hits the ground. "umpf," exlaims a voice from high above. Stepping again, the clouds of disturbed earth, swirl and bite into cascades of turrents. Trees crack and break, while a foot, which is as large as a small hill, kareen through the silent forest.
Grungy and unbathed, the giant takes steps in a straight direction, ignoring everything underneath its feet. Wipeing his dirty hands on his coarse and rouph wool tunic, it rolls its huge eyes looking around for something.
As his mind tried to form thoughts, it stopped its march and swung his head to scan the surrounding area.
Suddenly there was a swoosh of scales and a whip of leather-like wings.
"Well..." asked a whispy voice? Turning to look at the snake-like dragon, who had perched itself on the giants shoulder, the giant narrowed its eyes in dismay. Digging its claws into the clothes on the giants shoulder, the dragon gained its balance.
"I have looked but she is nowhere to be found." Turning his hulking body to stand atop a mountian, the dragon grasped harder onto his shoulder and crouched low, as the giants body shuddered with each step.
"The foolish girl has escaped our grasp...." hissed the dragon in distaste.
"I don't understand," admited the giant, "We locked her up and had her secure deep in the cavern, but she escaped."
"Yes," agreed the dragon, " I even placed a spell so that she could not even leave. She must of had assistance. That spell was laced deeep with the ancient enchantments of the cave."
"Even so, if we don't find her, we will be in for it."
"That is why we must find her." Snapping its jaw shut, the dragon shrugged its shoulders up and spread out its wings. Catching the wind that was genereated off of the giants leaping steps, the dragon blasted from the giants shoulder. "I shall circle the the dark mountain once more, but you should keep searching towards the crystal river. She could not have gotten that far."
Nodding his head in agreement, the giant yawned a huge and gapping sigh. "Such a little creature...how could it be such a bother?"
Deep in another part of the forest, covered by the tall and wild grown trees, a girl takes a wild breath. "Oh dear," she exclaimed," while she grasped onto her long hair and bunched it under one arm, and dragging her silky dress over a limb. Taking a wild glance into the sky, and listening for the deafening crunch and blasts, she sighed silently and leapt to the ground. Striding forward, the girl intently steped through the forests mirthy foilage. "I spend all my years living peacefully and now I am stuck in a magical land....being chased by a flying lizard and a clueless giant. This is too cliche."
Peering forward, and ignoring the screeching and shrills that escaped from the dark folds of the forest, the girl was deciphering the best way to go.
Catching her dress on a limb, she yanked on it, as it ripped and left a shred on the fallen stump. "Curses," she muttered, "stuck in a wasteland in a dress. I HATE wearing dresses." Leveling her hands on her hips, she sneered in distaste, but then wiped her arm across her forhead to clear off the sweat. "If I had my bicicle, I would tear through this worthless place and be gone before those fools ever knew that I had been here." Peering down at her long and drapped hair, she sighed again, "And this hair is attrocias. I can deal with shoulder length, but to have hair all the way down to my SHINS IS UNBELIEVABLE!" Stepping forrward with her silk shoes, she could feel the rocks and the twigs on the ground and as she did, she grumbled.

OKAY, I hope that you people like this short story, thus far. I completly free wrote it....right on the spot....so there are going to be a whole lot of typos. Type of the O's.....Ewwww. So anyway, I look forward to discovering what will happen next. *smiles sheepishly. I will not pre-think too far into this story and will make it lighthearted and surprising...at least to me. So anyway.

Thanks,
mike

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
---NOTES: (These are notes to myself, for info on this story. Don't read if you don't want to spoil what will happen next.)

-This is a world that is merged between Earth and this enchanted place. Roles are lived and are immediately ennacted whenever someone is pulled into this land....hence why the girl is wearing a dress...and has super long hair...a typical fairy tale princess.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

firegem · 2005-10-20 09:08:12

there wasnt a point of mine, i thought that ws pretty clear. i was just messin around. i actually got it from a writing prompt. it was fun.

firegem · 2005-10-20 09:13:30

wwooooohh, mike, i like it so far.

Seraphim Moonshadow · 2005-10-20 11:44:01

I like it as well, Mike. I'm not used to the....present tense rather than past but I like it. I loved how you used the word grunge.

Ygramul · 2005-10-20 15:41:19

Seraphim Moonshadow wrote:

Sorry for the double post but....
I have a problem. I don't know how to foreshadow. Right now I'm rewriting my whole book, though it's not yet completed, and it's far better than before. I suppose when I finish editing Chapter Nine, whose name I need to change, I'll be able to do it better. I also need to work on the transitioning and such of my events and what happens in the story. -_- Mwa! It's so horrible! Bah...but I like my story anyway, even if it's really rough around the edges.

I have trouble foreshadowing too. I don't know if we are exactly alike, however, I always want to let too much slip (becuase I already know what's going to happen) and then people get confused because they have no clue what I am talking about because I haven't gotten there yet... okay, I'm short on sleep, so I hope this made sense.

Ygramul · 2005-10-20 16:09:11

blewjewl wrote:

The dawns light spilled over the hills, frosty and chill. Light touched the trees and hills, light washed over Harmony and the horse she had "tamed" next to the Prince and his horse where they sat on a rise. There was no light however on the dark cave below them, as refusing to touch it, making it even more foreboding. Harmony sighed, rehearsing her weak plan again. They had come in the morning because they hoped the dragon would be sleeping. She planned to awaken the silver stone as soon as she was out of the Prince's sight. Then she hoped to speak with the dragon. Maybe she could bargain with it or persuade it to leave. She rubbed her hands over the horse, absent mindedly. Most animals were better when they understood each other.
The Prince looked at her as if about to speak but Harmony couldn't bear saying good bye and silently urged the horse forward. It grew colder the closer she came to the cave and she knew it wasn't the morning air. She wished she still had her mother's shawl, a little bit of home, a little warmth. Just at the cave's mouth, she woke the speaking stone around her neck. Horse was grumbling.
"What's wrong with you?" she asked.
"This place smells bad." he muttered. "I know exactly who lives in this cave and this wasn't part of the deal."
"Then why did you come?"
"We had a deal. I believe in keeping my word. Or, you could be killed and then the deal would be over and my freedom come the sooner."
Harmony wanted to say something sharp in return, but she didn't have the heart.
She thought he was right. She climbed down.
"Well, if you're going to be grumpy, you can just stay here." she said.
"Well then I will." The horse said.
She already felt lonely without him, but she didn't want to waste anymore time with him. With only the stone and the sword she stepped into the cave. It grew even colder.

Rachel's comments which can be ignored: Instead of saying "The dawns' light" it might be better to say "Dawns' light". Why is the word tamed in quotations? Were the horses' sitting or the people? Stood might actually make more sense here because we already know that they are on their horses, so stood would be refering to the horses. Instead of saying, "There was no light however on the dark cave below them, as refusing to touch it, making it even more foreboding." you could make your sentence shorter and still get the meaning across. It's a little wordy as is. A suggestion could be: The light refused to touch the cave below them. We unconsciously know that since there is no light, it must be dark. The absence of light in itself can be considered foreboding, it isn't necessary to state it. Why is it important that the dragon should be sleeping in the morning? Why can't she awaken the stone in front of the Prince? Is he her enemy or friend? Why does she think of her mother here? Since this is the 7th chapter, I'm assuming I would already know this... How did she loose her shawl? Does the horse have a name? Many times if an object or living creature has a name, it become more real to the audience. What was the deal they made? Why is the horse being sulky? And it didn't make sense that he would say he was going to keep his word, if the the deal would end once she was dead and his freedom would come sooner. That's all I have, except I would like the read the beginning chapters.

Ygramul · 2005-10-20 16:16:11

Seraphim Moonshadow wrote:

They could have killed us. In a way, I almost wish they had. Then it would be over, wouldn't it? And then I'd be safe in the haven of death and I'd forget my life here. I could forget all that has come to pass. It would be the everlasting slumber where light consumes you and you're floating in a sea of flowers and staring at a sapphire sky filled with calm. I wouldn't see the smog-hued sky crawling with shapes of moon ravens, their eerie cries would no longer meet my ears, and I could live somewhere in a nice little valley and never be hurt.
They almost found me today. It's been so long since I escaped. I don't think I remember how long ago it happened but I remembered my escape. Somehow I did it. It was all so easy, like it had been planned. But I haven't been caught, and so I wonder. I wonder if they meant for me to escape, make me work hard and become tough, then capture my soul and use me as their pawns.
I'm a true orphan now. My brothers and sisters, Ronald and Marianne, swore they would make it so I could escape. For my sake, they died a few weeks before I got out, tortured to death by the Dark Lord Tsurin.
Every night the moon ravens circle, calling out, searching for me. I've learned to sense them by their heat, something no human I'm sure of has learned to do. That is...if you can call me human.
I'm not like the rest of them--

The hand that held the quill shivered as a small whoosh of air passed over the cave and something metallic dropped to the ground. The Stealth Rider checked his gear, lifting up his helmet to reveal a human face intermingled with robot parts. The small hum and click of the gear echoed loudly in the cave.
Ripples of fear clawed at the boy's back as he huddled, startled, behind a boulder. Carefully he struggled not to breath, hoping they didn't have their heat sensors on. The only thing that denoted he was there was the smallest bit of air that accident escaped and turned into freezing mists.

Laser eyes searching, clicking, turning over, the once human creature took one metallic step forward. Behind him the light of the moons ceased to exist in the cave. Something trilled lightly, extremely softly behind the Stealth Rider, as if in inquiry. Gears working louder, the Rider turned and nodded, looking at its watch. The Moon Raven sounded a few gutteral clicks, its claws whispering across the rocky floor. Evil eyes twitching, it oozed past the Rider, tail rattling.
The boy scrunched up even more as the Raven took several slithering steps towards him. Gently its damson tongue slipped into the air, tasting for life, tasting for him. A deep rumble of laughter boiled in its bresket as its furred hands crawled up the side of the boulder. Nostrils billowing, it drank in the scent of human life. Without warning the beast ripped the rock from the ground, sending several shards of it into various parts of the cave.

I like how this is started. By using "us" the reader immediately feels drawn into the story. We are provided with a nice description, which I believe will later be made more clear, but for now is enough the hook the reader. What bit of air, that what accident escaped? I was confused by this sentence. I think it's interesting for the enemy to be part human and part robot. Is the Moon Raven an intelligent species of it's own that works with the Stealth Rider, or is the Moon Raven just an animal, faithful to it's master like a dog or horse? What is a bresket?

Ygramul · 2005-10-20 16:18:07

Seraphim Moonshadow wrote:

I would like to apologize and say...sorry if I'm not uplifting! I really like all your guy's writing. It's just...if I comment on something...I'll..end...up...talking FOREVER. >.< With praises and suggestions and yea...it would fry ya'lls brains. Unless you really want me to...so I'm sorry if I sound condemning...cuz I'm not trying to be. *Hide*

Rip the stories to shreads. That is the only way we can make them better.

Ygramul · 2005-10-20 16:27:10

blewjewl wrote:

The Prince is her Father

Why does she call him the Prince instead of Father... or does she not know yet?

blewjewl wrote:

Vasheera's walk was an icy whisper on the cave's floor where she dwelt. A dozen black foxes restlessly paced with her. The night was no longer young and of all the deadly little shadows she had sent away earlier that night, one had still not returned. The black roses climbing the cave swayed, Vasheera tasted a strange but familiar venom on the breath of the passing wind. She felt the hair on her neck bristle. Something was wrong. She sent two more after the first. They slipped into the grassy hillside, easily escaping the moon's light though it smothered the hills.
They returned just before dawn. Trembling as Vasheera's cold, black fury washed over them, the two foxes gently laid their missing companion at her feet. Vasheera knelt and ran her white fingers through his dark fur. His body was rigid with only a trace of warmth left; he'd been dead awhile, maybe all night. A growl boiled in her throat. He'd been poisoned.

If someone is pacing then they are restless. Most people don't pace otherwise. Um... were you trying to say "but one" to describe the shadows? Two more what? When did she send the first? I'm a little confused. Why is she upset that the fox had been poisoned?

Ygramul · 2005-10-20 16:32:22

Monisawa wrote:

BTW, missed you at family night yesterday. -_- not that we did anything...really.
thanks
mike

Sorry about missing. I lost my voice early Sunday morning (like at 2am) and it didn't come back until late Sunday evening after I had received a blessing. I didn't feel well enough to go anywhere. Besides I was being crabby and I didn't want to subject anyone else to it. I should be there next Monday though, if we're doing anything since it is Halloween.

Monisawa · 2005-10-20 22:14:01

Ygramul wrote:

I have trouble foreshadowing too. I don't know if we are exactly alike, however, I always want to let too much slip (becuase I already know what's going to happen) and then people get confused because they have no clue what I am talking about because I haven't gotten there yet... okay, I'm short on sleep, so I hope this made sense.

When I was younger...and still right now...I would wright blindly. Meaning that I would have no idea where I was going or what was going to happen next. This method of writing would often lead me into corners, or into areas of uninterest. Sometimes the stories would be long and were just rambling on....no point to the whole thing at all. Hence the reason why I have a 5 inch binder full of stories.....75-80% without an end; just expaining an interest or concept.

When I inteligently wright, I forshadow the main plots of the story and use them to inspire me to complete the rest of the story...I especially like to do that with the ending. The ending is the element of surprise and build-up of the entire plot line. Thought at times, having all of the information in myhead, I sometimes expect the reader to know what I am talking about earlier in the story...though I try to catch such misfortunes.

Monisawa · 2005-10-20 22:15:32

Ygramul wrote:

Rachel's comments which can be ignored: Instead of saying "The dawns' light" it might be better to say "Dawns' light". Why is the word tamed in quotations? Were the horses' sitting or the people? Stood might actually make more sense here because we already know that they are on their horses, so stood would be refering to the horses. Instead of saying, "There was no light however on the dark cave below them, as refusing to touch it, making it even more foreboding." you could make your sentence shorter and still get the meaning across. It's a little wordy as is. A suggestion could be: The light refused to touch the cave below them. We unconsciously know that since there is no light, it must be dark. The absence of light in itself can be considered foreboding, it isn't necessary to state it. Why is it important that the dragon should be sleeping in the morning? Why can't she awaken the stone in front of the Prince? Is he her enemy or friend? Why does she think of her mother here? Since this is the 7th chapter, I'm assuming I would already know this... How did she loose her shawl? Does the horse have a name? Many times if an object or living creature has a name, it become more real to the audience. What was the deal they made? Why is the horse being sulky? And it didn't make sense that he would say he was going to keep his word, if the the deal would end once she was dead and his freedom would come sooner. That's all I have, except I would like the read the beginning chapters.

If you read the question that I asked Blewjewl, right after her story, I had some of the same questions. A lot of them, as she explained to me, were in the earlier chapters. As you had stated, it would be nice to read the earlier chapters.

Monisawa · 2005-10-20 22:18:15

Ygramul wrote:

Monisawa wrote:
BTW, missed you at family night yesterday. -_- not that we did anything...really.
thanks
mike
Sorry about missing. I lost my voice early Sunday morning (like at 2am) and it didn't come back until late Sunday evening after I had received a blessing. I didn't feel well enough to go anywhere. Besides I was being crabby and I didn't want to subject anyone else to it. I should be there next Monday though, if we're doing anything since it is Halloween.

Thanks for not being crabby at us at Family night. I am sorry that you were not feeling well, but if it is any comfort, Monday was a spoof, and nothing really important happend. *_* They were going to play Ultimate Frisbee, but it was too dark...so they played knockout instead. -_- So I just kicked a soccerball around with my older brohter, who was visiting from Utah for the weekend and a part of the following week.

Ygramul · 2005-10-21 16:41:58

Monisawa wrote:

Confusing twists of notes - not writt-en,
Phrases not being subtily spok-en.
What is the mean-ing,
when there is noth-ing that is commun-i-cated?
Blasting like a foamy sea, the dirt heaves up, as the foot hits the ground. "umpf," exlaims a voice from high above. Stepping again, the clouds of disturbed earth, swirl and bite into cascades of turrents. Trees crack and break, while a foot, which is as large as a small hill, kareen through the silent forest.
Grungy and unbathed, the giant takes steps in a straight direction, ignoring everything underneath its feet. Wipeing his dirty hands on his coarse and rouph wool tunic, it rolls its huge eyes looking around for something.
As his mind tried to form thoughts, it stopped its march and swung his head to scan the surrounding area.
Suddenly there was a swoosh of scales and a whip of leather-like wings.
"Well..." asked a whispy voice? Turning to look at the snake-like dragon, who had perched itself on the giants shoulder, the giant narrowed its eyes in dismay. Digging its claws into the clothes on the giants shoulder, the dragon gained its balance.
"I have looked but she is nowhere to be found." Turning his hulking body to stand atop a mountian, the dragon grasped harder onto his shoulder and crouched low, as the giants body shuddered with each step.
"The foolish girl has escaped our grasp...." hissed the dragon in distaste.
"I don't understand," admited the giant, "We locked her up and had her secure deep in the cavern, but she escaped."
"Yes," agreed the dragon, " I even placed a spell so that she could not even leave. She must of had assistance. That spell was laced deeep with the ancient enchantments of the cave."
"Even so, if we don't find her, we will be in for it."
"That is why we must find her." Snapping its jaw shut, the dragon shrugged its shoulders up and spread out its wings. Catching the wind that was genereated off of the giants leaping steps, the dragon blasted from the giants shoulder. "I shall circle the the dark mountain once more, but you should keep searching towards the crystal river. She could not have gotten that far."
Nodding his head in agreement, the giant yawned a huge and gapping sigh. "Such a little creature...how could it be such a bother?"
Deep in another part of the forest, covered by the tall and wild grown trees, a girl takes a wild breath. "Oh dear," she exclaimed," while she grasped onto her long hair and bunched it under one arm, and dragging her silky dress over a limb. Taking a wild glance into the sky, and listening for the deafening crunch and blasts, she sighed silently and leapt to the ground. Striding forward, the girl intently steped through the forests mirthy foilage. "I spend all my years living peacefully and now I am stuck in a magical land....being chased by a flying lizard and a clueless giant. This is too cliche."
Peering forward, and ignoring the screeching and shrills that escaped from the dark folds of the forest, the girl was deciphering the best way to go.
Catching her dress on a limb, she yanked on it, as it ripped and left a shred on the fallen stump. "Curses," she muttered, "stuck in a wasteland in a dress. I HATE wearing dresses." Leveling her hands on her hips, she sneered in distaste, but then wiped her arm across her forhead to clear off the sweat. "If I had my bicicle, I would tear through this worthless place and be gone before those fools ever knew that I had been here." Peering down at her long and drapped hair, she sighed again, "And this hair is attrocias. I can deal with shoulder length, but to have hair all the way down to my SHINS IS UNBELIEVABLE!" Stepping forrward with her silk shoes, she could feel the rocks and the twigs on the ground and as she did, she grumbled.

OKAY, I hope that you people like this short story, thus far. I completly free wrote it....right on the spot....so there are going to be a whole lot of typos. Type of the O's.....Ewwww. So anyway, I look forward to discovering what will happen next. *smiles sheepishly. I will not pre-think too far into this story and will make it lighthearted and surprising...at least to me. So anyway.
Thanks,
mike
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---NOTES: (These are notes to myself, for info on this story. Don't read if you don't want to spoil what will happen next.)
-This is a world that is merged between Earth and this enchanted place. Roles are lived and are immediately ennacted whenever someone is pulled into this land....hence why the girl is wearing a dress...and has super long hair...a typical fairy tale princess.
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I find this very intriguing and I want to know more! My attention is caught. Besides the typo's which you already know about, I have no complaints.

Ygramul · 2005-10-21 16:46:12

Monisawa wrote:

When I was younger...and still right now...I would wright blindly. Meaning that I would have no idea where I was going or what was going to happen next. This method of writing would often lead me into corners, or into areas of uninterest. Sometimes the stories would be long and were just rambling on....no point to the whole thing at all. Hence the reason why I have a 5 inch binder full of stories.....75-80% without an end; just expaining an interest or concept.

I usually write that.... it's just the present story seems to have outlined itself for me. And I usually hate outlines. I just can't predict what the characters will say in a given situation. Fiala has become more complicated as have the other characters. I find myselfnow more writing the story to find out what she will say next than what will happen next.

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