The Writing Group

Seraphim Moonshadow · 2005-09-21 23:54:05

WRITING TIPS!!

You think of writing wonderful ideas...of being an author with ideas that pop up mystically in the middle of nowhere. Sometimes you just have to be at the right place at the right time. But if you really want to soar, check out this: it?s called reading with intention. What?s that, you say? It means you read everything with a personal slant. Now, how does one do that? You have to let yourself be inquisitive. Let?s say you read an article on doll house making and there?s been a recent fad on it but that magazine is all about making them. What if you allowed yourself to ask questions such as these: Are there doll house makers in your area? Do they have heirloom doll houses? How has doll house making impacted their lives? What was a person?s first try at doll house making like?

The more unanswered a question is, the more likely it is to capture your reader?s attention. Another thing to remember is to be excited about what you write otherwise you?ll find yourself scrambling for ideas and having trouble liking what you write. Still, you have to remember to ask yourself if you?re capable of writing the article. Also, people like everyday applications. You can learn about this by scanning the newspaper or magazines. Daily application and a notebook with a sturdy mechanical pencil will help you write down and collaborate ideas. When you brainstorm like this, allow yourself to think freely and not look back on what you?re writing. Just write like crazy to get the juices flowing.

Write every day, even if it?s just a poem or if you set a limit-thirty minutes a day or every other day to write. The more you write, the better you will come with it. Remember to give yourself a reward at the end of the period. Eventually you?ll find the habit will make you write more and you won?t be as concerned about the time. Don?t let procrastination and perfectionism eat away at you. Take the time to get better and you will and allow yourself to be human.

Write, write, write...you can always edit it later!

When you're ready to publish a book...look for a good agent.

Don't get discouraged. When you write, write where no one will bother you unless you're working with someone else. Have good communication skills. Set a time where you write and unplug the phone or use an answering machine. Set an area where it's not cramped-somewhere special. Maybe you can have a window nearby--the dark and dank dungeon generally doesn't help. Make the place as comfortable and peaceful as possible. If you can, make it somewhere in a room all to yourself. If not...well, two office cabinets (or cement blocks) and a door make a great desk or going to your local DI.

If you can, join a local writer's group. Not only will you have a vast amount of opinions but you can gain ideas from other people. Learn to accept help and critisim. Ask yourself if parts of your story are really needed. Ask yourself if they point in the direction you want to go or not.

Trust in yourself. Research.

Pray for help. Dare yourself to ask for help and if everyone is negative, dear yourself to rise above their comments. Many have done before...can't you?

Have someone to help you and encourage you...someone that loves you. Sometimes love can heal the cracked writer's heart.

Write good things. Don't focus on the bad or spend your time writing things that won't help you in the end.

Querry, querry, querry! Learn to catch your editor's eye. Even your first paragraph of an article you have written you can add into your querry. (Remember to not make it longer than a page if possible, business-like, and to the point.)

Tips for writing faster:

1. Outlines. If you have a basic structure, you?ll go a lot farther when you know what you?re going to write, such as in an essay.

2. Sometimes you may need to narrow down your subject.

3. The more you write, the faster and better you will become. Practice is worth it.

4. Learn to brainstorm WITHOUT acting like a perfectionist. DON?T rule out ideas as you?re making them! That will only hurt your creativity.

5. Don?t spend more than one minute writing one sentence if possible and less than two minutes rewriting it.

6. Don?t read your work until you are finished otherwise you?ll get caught up in making it ?perfect!?

7. Learn to be open minded.

8. Reward yourself.

Seraphim Moonshadow · 2005-09-21 23:55:12

9. Stick with it. Don?t get distracted. Tell yourself you?re going to write so and so words/paragraphs/pages in so-and-so minutes. However, that doesn?t mean setting extremely high goals. Set something that is reasonable and will get the job done in a timely manner.

10. Trust your instincts.

11. Don?t pay yourself the leisure unless you?ve done the work.

12. Remain positive.

13. If you?re completely stuck, get out and get for help or move on to another spot. You can rewrite later. That?s the beauty of computers.

14. Don?t let negative voices drag you down. The more troubled you are, the harder it is to write.

15. Remember, putting it off doesn?t always help but sometimes we need an honest break. Give yourself a break determined on your output.

16. Start out with fifteen minute blocks of writing, then perhaps five rereading before continuing.

17. Schedule the time when you?re going to write.

18. Generate stories mechanically if you have to. Roll dice, throw darts, pick something random.

19. ?Unplug? the TV if it?s a major distraction. Same goes for games and all that sort. Learn to dedicate yourself to what you?re doing and reward yourself later. Don?t spend your time surfing the net when you get bored.

20. Pray and read scriptures for inspiration and help.

21. Make sure you?re in an environment which promotes your work. Make sure your surroundings are pleasant.

22. Light a candle for a time limit and write until it?s at a certain point.

23. Write like you?ll never be able to write again.

24. Listen to whatever helps you and tell no one to bother you for x amount of time.

25. Always keep a spirit of love around you and with you.

Ygramul · 2005-09-22 12:19:07

Yes, blewjewl, you can grammize me all you want. I will tell you now that poetry has always been beyond me. I hope you won't get mad if I don't make comments on your poems. I'm strictly a story person. Wait, are you Sapphire? I'm hooked on your story, though. I want to know what happened before and what happens afterwards. Instead of putting quotes around Remembering, try underlining it instead. It might confuse people and make them think he is saying that word.

Mike: I just realized, I have never really thought about how anmals view the world around them. I think that is what makes your story intriguing for me. I don't know what to expect so I [patiently continue to read and find out what happens next. I would like a little more description of the temple. You're right. I know nothing about China or it's customs, but most people wouldn't who would read what you've written. Oh, and I also tend to pick up the structure of whatever I'm reading or what I'm listening to. A scene that is supposed to be just nice and pleasant can turn into a big arguement because I'm listening to faster paced music. Or I might kill someon that I didn't plan to die. But then my characters sort of take on a life of their own and I am onlyy dictating the the story.

Seraphim Moonshadow: Now, I know why I hate the papers I have to write for school. I'm not excited about them at all. I do write everyday (usually while I'm taking notes for school or in church), but I just don't get to post everyday. Also, it's easier for me to write fantasy when all I've been reading is school books. However, if I have a paper I need to write, I start reading fantasy and not writing as much. Maybe I'm just backwards.

I don't have anything to post today. Okay, well I do, but I don't have a lot of time at the moment so I was just going to make a different comment. Something I love about books is that their is so much more detail than movies. Granted I know. But unless you've read the Neverending Story you would have no clue how I chose Ygramul or who she is. So, I thought I would share it with you, especially because the Neverending Story is an awesome book and I'm glad it was translated. Ygramul is actually Ygramul the Many. Basicly female, but she never stays one shape for more than a few moments. I guess for my own clarity of mind I think of her as a spider since this the part in the story where Atreyu meets Falkor and he's in her web. Ygramul is a character that has always fascinated me. Because she has Falkor caught in her web, we immediately think evil. Then we find out that she's trying to kill him, because she has to eat. It changes the perspective on her. Then we find out that her venom has magic in it. With one bite you can wish to be abywhere in Fantasia, but the posion will kill you in an hour. Since meeting this fascinating character, it has always been my goal to have my character have a depth. Their powers/abilities can be used for good and for evil. They are not always nice. They do have their darker sides and moments, but by writing them this way, they become more believable to me. So think you Michael Ende and I will continue to use Ygramul as my various screen names, because no one else knows who she is. Later

blewjewl · 2005-09-22 13:23:26

Uh, so many things.

OK, ya, I am Sapphire, hence "blewjewl" and don't worry about poetry being beyond you, I think it is beyond us all, it's so free. 'Cept maybe Shakespeare, he was way amazing.

Mike, I think all of us pick up on things we read. Sometimes after I read a book by an author, I think the way they wrote. But good writers need to be good readers. There is a lot we can learn, from good techniques we see and want to master to cliches that we want to aviod. No matter what, I promise you will always write like Mike! You hvae a unique way of writing, a special perspective. Only you see the world as you do and you have your own styles of expression, your own rythms in writing, different things that fascinate you, things that only you can offer. You might grow and explore other ways, but you will always be Mike and you can't lose an entire person or style by reading another persons book. There are things about you that will always surface.
that's a good writing prompt, though, to try and write like someone else. Much like drawing, trying to imitate someone else's style for a minute can make you better by stretching your abilities.
Also, there are still a hundred things I want to say about your Panda story but here are just a few.
"Softly Sprinkling down, Panda stroked the rain from his fur."
I can tell that's it's starting to rain here, but that is not what the sentence says. Softly and Sprinkling are adjectives that need a noun to describe and the only one here is Panda. So you are saying that Panda is softly sprinkling down while he strokes the rain from his fur. That's awesome, but I think you were trying to say the rain was doing that. Every once in a while, the noun can be implied and not in the sentence, but it doesn't work here. There are some other awkward sentences, but that one is my favourite, I love it.
Ok, the part where you mention a Fox Tail; I don't know that much about the area, but I assumed that a Fox Tail is a kind of plant. The reason I like this is because without taking time out of the story to explain it, I could still tell what it was and that made it richer and more exotic. ( Unless it's not a plant and then you can completely disregard that. )
The temple could use more work, but it was interesting because it was somewhere along the same lines.

One of the best bits of writing advice I have ever heard and that I think you could use here is to cut. Cut anywords and sometimes sentences that don't need to be there.
Maybe this one:
" At the knoll of the hill, he was standing on his hind legs, overlooking the slopes and dips of amny hills that were also around him."
you can leave out the " were also around him." if he can see them , we know they are there.
I like this section of your story, but how much of it needs to be there? What is the purpose of the whole section?
Unfortunately, just because something sounds nice isn't a good enough reason to keep it.
Last thing, remember that it's your story. Writing advice and suggestions are great, but do what you think is best.

(whew) Thas it.

Monisawa · 2005-09-22 22:18:50

WOOOOOWWW....One second there are little tiny posts....to suddenly.....BOOOOOOM!!!!!

To Saraphim,

the writing tips were really good information...though it sounded more like you quoted it from a book. -_-
I could feel that they were desighned to be motivational and to invigorate one to write....Nothing is wrong with that. I was just wondering if that was the Main Point.
Writing is rather draining of ones emotions. When one writes a story, hopefully they would put all of their heart and soul into it and it then makes one suseptable to depression....and making one feel that they cannot write. Or it can also be called WRITERS BLOCK. Which is part of using up all of ones heart and soul, but could also be partly because the writer is stuck on a particular part of the story...

Welcome back Ygramul, it is good to see you! And to what you said,

Ygramul wrote:

Mike: I just realized, I have never really thought about how animals view the world around them. I think that is what makes your story intriguing for me. I don't know what to expect so I [patiently continue to read and find out what happens next. I would like a little more description of the temple. You're right. I know nothing about China or it's customs, but most people wouldn't who would read what you've written.

I hope it was helpful, my descriptions, I mean. And as for the view of the animals and finishing the story....I hope that you will be pleased as I continue to write on it. I did not ge a chnace to write on it this week...unfortuneatly....

Ygramul wrote:

Oh, and I also tend to pick up the structure of whatever I'm reading or what I'm listening to. A scene that is supposed to be just nice and pleasant can turn into a big arguement because I'm listening to faster paced music. Or I might kill someon that I didn't plan to die. But then my characters sort of take on a life of their own and I am only dictating the the story.

You are very right....music has a very POWERFUL influence on ones emotions and writings. MAN....so much to comment to. sigh.. and with you are right. BOOkS are so much clearer and better than movies. A lot of the time, movies shouldn't even be made. For example, I have never read the ACTUAL neverending stories book, and I never heard of the spider that you mentioned. So sad.

And to blewjewl...wow, so much to comment today..and I am so distracted. Sigh.....

I know that I will still have my writing ability....but it is hard to see past what I am actually writing. Sigh....my internet is about to die. 0_0 sigh.....I will comment on the rest latter. AUGH!!!!!!!!!!

I will work on what you ask me to do. thanks for your comments Blewjewl AND EVERYONE ELSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thanks
mike

Seraphim Moonshadow · 2005-09-23 01:52:41

Mwa..um...I..came up with them? Um..uh...I was doing them to help people who couldn't focus while writing. Or just random tips. After all, I'm in the freelancing gonna-be-again business.

blewjewl · 2005-09-23 08:03:55

Ya, I could tell that was freelancing/journalism advice, mostly at the begining. So not my cup of tea, but it's kinda interesting how journalists and novelists and other writers need a lot of the same advice, use similiar techniques etc. It's hard someimes to talk about the writing process, creativity can be so adstract.

Monisawa · 2005-09-23 19:57:51

hmmmm..... no comment. My brain is FRiiiIEeeeED fried. I think I spelt that right. X_X death to my brain.

Seraphim Moonshadow · 2005-09-23 22:11:18

Aww..poor brain. Well, it's more than that. Writing should be..fun.

firegem · 2005-09-24 09:13:45

moonshadow, i loooooove ur tips!! i will try them. i havent free writed in a long time, cause im always writing other stuff, and my hand is always getting cramped. grrrrrrr. i have a few writers magizines that i might could pull up, and see ifn there's anything worth posting in those.
i will try to post something of mine on here. but im real self consious about my stuff; im not afraid youll hate it, im afraid youll hate it and then not tell me. so if u cant stand its stinkin guts, pleeeeez tell me.
btw blewjewl, i looove ur name, but i think mine is way better.

Seraphim Moonshadow · 2005-09-24 12:25:14

Well, thank ye! I should write more. ^_^

Monisawa · 2005-09-27 21:32:32

Yes indeeeeeeeed you should write more... Yes indeeeeeeeed.

Just as a notice, I am still working on the Panda story, but this week I am writing a new short story. We are doing a writing group get together saturday before General Conference starts, so I wanted a story that I had more control over...and was more in my expertise. I will post it.....maybe....once I recieve feedback and comments from everyone in the group.

BTW for those of you on this group, which this is technically who this meeting is for, can't make it, you can e-mail me a short story, or an excerpt, which is 5-10 pages max, double spaced and I will take it there, and act as if you were there. Comments will be written on the pages.

If anyone is interested please tell me, and I will make sure to expect your e-mail. Again, to repeat myself, it is THIS SATURDAY.

Thanks
mike

RIPP3R · 2005-09-27 22:12:20

hey all... I was introduced to this group through blewjewl. I havn't read all the posts yet but I did read some of the stories. and I think your all talented people... this is kind of a test post I'll post one of my works here in a minute. any body who talks writing of any sort I believe needs to share the stuff. (it kind of helps get to know them a little better.) and I will be complete and honest with my comments... but for just a quick note I SUCK at spelling and grammer in generale. but I still would rather have other comments more then grammer. I know how anoying that can be.

RIPP3R · 2005-09-27 22:18:12

This post was removed because of MATURE content ,so that this forumn thread would fit with www.jerbl.com's standards.

For any questions, refer to the main page: http://jerbl.com
Thanks for the understanding

RIPP3R · 2005-09-27 22:19:38

well the paragraph and dialoge placement is alittle off. but I think you'll get the Idea. any comments are helpfull. thanx

blewjewl · 2005-09-28 10:13:40

Whoa...
There are several things I could say to that. The first is that it is very good, I mean really good, I'm impressed and I'm a critical reader, but there are problems. A few things would help, a couple sentences could use a more active voice vs. a passive voice. It will make it sound more energetic, flowing and...confident. Where you talked about his eyes then say it "seemed" to harden his face; there is nothing wrong with that, but the word "seem" leaves room for doubt, if it hardened his face, then say so and leave that out. And I think the words "by means of" in the first sentence slows it down a little. Maybe say her name again somewhere, just cause I forgot by the time I got to the end. Dialogue could use work as you say, but no one cares about paragraph placement yet.

About your subject. ( How did you know this was coming, right?)
I hated it. Partly cause I could feel it and you can be flattered for that, and partly because we are supposed to seek things that are uplifting and if I flipped open a book in the library and read this page, I would put it back and assume Jesus wouldn't want me to read it. Disgusting.
However, I also believe that touchy subjects deserve attention too but you need to be very careful. We had many discussions about touchy subjects in my creative writing class. One things I got from it, was if your gonna do it, you might want a good reason for it.
You must know that I don't like you swearing. I have met good mormon writers who felt that only a curse word of some kind would fit in this or that situation, in yours for example to make the dialogue real and therefore the character. It's amazing what dialogue can do to a character and the mood. But I don't believe in sacrificing my standards for that. The prophet said don't use them. End of story. I used to love writing horror, I was good and it was my thing, but I try not to. * sigh* Thas not easy. I can garrauntee that most here won't appreciate that, but I'll still read it and it would be great to show it to Linda Adams, some of her things are a little dark, and mostly all in step with our standards, if you haven't read her book, you should! You can borrow my copy.
Other than that, I am dieing to know where you're taking this!
There are so many possibilities! It would be one of those weird crazy action flicks were they spend the whole time on the subway and she turns out to be the hero and she fights him or a freaky twilight zone thing were she's really dead or the subway is death or it could be a mystery or a cop story and I want to know!
Thanks for posting.
-blewjewl

Seraphim Moonshadow · 2005-09-28 12:14:04

I was going to say something akin to that. It seemed a bit brash. Your sentences are a bit choppy but you don't have a bad writing style. However, I think we could really do something more..uplifting. Try to check on your spelling, too.

Seraphim Moonshadow · 2005-09-28 12:17:31

?Midnight Over Frost?

by J Lynn Danis

When the message arrived, the moon was sailing over the high-ridged mountains loaded with sleek snow. The sky was frosted with weak stars and below, smudged clouds crawled across the winter night. Nestled among the prickly firs and eroded, ice covered rocks, the fortress seemed to cower in the moonlight. The half-tattered pennants hung low on broken poles upon the cold walltops and buckling watch towers. Guards lay scattered, hardly breathing, throughout the battlements. Their gaunt faces were strained with grief and stained by war. But down below, past the sleepers with flitting dreams, spiraling down past the into the dark cellars, lay a boy.
His hair was a pale cornstalk yellow and his blue eyes fearfully hovered on the brink of sleep. Covered in a brown service boy?s tunic and fairly fresh brown leggings, he looked far more pleasant then the rest of the half-alive warriors from the last of King Dominique?s realm. Beside the boy, a gray and white speckled wolf lay against his him, velveteen nose pressed against boy?s palm. It whined cautiously, then looked up at him with noble brown eyes.
The boy rubbed his hand against the wolf?s crest and gave an awkward smile. His eyes flickered to the torch that burned half-heartedly in its iron checkered sconce.
?I don?t suppose you?d like to go for a walk, eh?? He arose swiftly and stretched, popping his neck wearily. He shivered and pressed his hand against his stomach, not enjoying the sensation of thin muscle and bones. Thankfully, Messengers were the most well-fed persons in the army, otherwise Owyn's skin would have been sagging more than usual. His swift legs were so greatly needed that he, unlike many others, was fed more.
It was not a pleasure to receive hate-laden glances as he carried his meals down to the cellars with Bugal. Bugal himself was a north arctic wolf, well-trained to lead Messengers across treacherous ice and snow. He, too, was thin but the heavy layer of shag often hid so that he looked more fit than he should have been. He was still a proficient hunter but was not often let out of the fort to hunt, lest he be lost or become wild....or so the military officials said. Owyn believed they blamed Bugal for an accident that had happened a little less than three months ago.
It had been a warm autumn and the ice had not been completely frozen. Bugal and Owyn had started out at the head of the party leading the way through the pass, which was really a frozen river that ran through a chasm down from the mountains. They set off earlier due to the great need for food, hoping to avoid the keen winter climate before it would bear them down. What happened was more tragic than anyone had expected, for nearly half the rations were lost when the ice cracked behind the rest of the new recruits and also dragged away many of the replacements for the soldiers already guarding Lentwood Fort. The villagers saw the tragedy but were unable to help. They offered their aid no less than mid winter, and knowing there was nothing they could do until then, Owyn and Bugal bore their sad tale to those at Lentwood.
Because Owyn was so young, he was not put at blame. Instead, he was treated better than ever. Plus, young hands willing to go to war were few. There was nothing Owyn liked better than to run. His parents had been killed in the war effort, and because of that, Owyn would do anything for the kingdom. He dreamed of dying in their honor, but if Owyn was lucky, he would have one last run before they all died of starvation.
Owyn shook his head, clearing his mind, and grasped the burning torch from its sconce. "We might as well take a look outside. It's a full moon tonight." Gingerly, he waved the torch and let Bugal slip past him and up the stone stairwell.

In the gleam of the silver-blue moon, a dark shape wound its way down towards Lentwood. Its massive wings surged up and down as it carried its slumped-over passenger on its back. The rider was resting his head against the great beast's neck when he saw the fort and sleepily pulled himself up, yawning. He clapped his hands together, trying to invoke warmth and feeling as he urged his mount forward. It tilted its head and shook it, the metallic sound of its harness absorbed into the silence.
"Take us down," the rider said and brushed off the ice that had gathered on the riding equipment, listening to the great whoosh of wings beating around him. The dragon snorted, jets of steam freezing mid-air from its mouth.
The purple and silver robed rider patted the dragon's neck and gazed down at the last of King Dominique's famous regime. They looked worse off than any of the renegade enemy bands that they had to watch out for. Descending as angels of hope, a smile crossed the rider's features which were well-hidden behind his mask. Anyone would know the colors of the King.

Owyn stomped his feet quietly on the rickety staircase that lead to the battlements and shivered, clutching at his tattered fur coat. His misty breath vanished almost instantly in the cold air. Bugal shook himself, tail tucked between his legs. The wolf pressed his nose instinctively to the ground and haltingly began to wander across the courtyard. His ears flipped back and forth. Without warning, the shadow of the dragon yawned across the open courtyard. Bugal's ears came erect and a low growl issued from his throat.
"What..." Owyn began to speak but dropped off as he saw the shadow. Now Bugal openly barked, and the sentry who was propped up against the wall jerked awake. His spear dropped from his hand. He fell over and got up but nearly sat down again at the sight.
The dragon chuckled, a low musical sound not unlike a loon's call. It snorted and tossed its head, whipping around and nipping at its rider's pantleg. The guard laughed openly at the dragon's antics, then shook his fist at the rider in the King's colors.
"Confound it, Sir Benson, could you have that beast breathe a little less on me?"
"Oh, you know my beast is just having a bit of fun, Eric. May we land?"
"Only if you have good new for us," Eric said teasingly.
Owyn, in the meantime, had slipped behind Eric quietly and then said, "It's good to see you, Sir Benson."
Sir Benson leaned over the saddle horn and peered behind Eric at Owyn. "You're that Messenger we recruited last fall. Survived some sort of ice break, didn't ye?"
"Yes, sir. This is my Guide Wolf, Bugal. Will you be sending us out?"
"That you will find out soon enough, my boy. Clear ground, everyone!"
The dragon flicked his metallic head before edging over the wall laboriously and settling down in the awakening courtyard. Men with bandages over their eyes pawed helplessly against others for support as they struggled to hear what was going on. Whispers sprawled and opened like a lotus flowers, blooming and flaring like seas of fiery hope as the rider announced his news. The war had ended and they, starving in this stark land, would receive twice-fold more than their regular rations!
Men scrambled to get on their feet, aching to hear more. What was the news? Who had won? Had a treaty been signed? Wild shouts rang through the crowd. King Dominique was well and they would be able to return to their families in the spring. And not only that, but there was a nearby village with relief supplies! But there was a problem.
The problem lay in the fact that the villagers knew not how to get through the pass, nor the way thereafter to the fort to aid the seasoned soldiers. Neither could one land in the valley and pick up the food that was so dearly needed. Only a whole flight of dragons would have been able to carry the supplies. Those who had known the way in had long since forgotten, for the trail was steep and treacherous. But if a Messenger could be sent to guide the villagers back, then everyone would stave off their starvation. Secondly, replacements had been sent to the village as well, which meant that while the Messenger was gone, Sir Benson would pick a few dozen men to go on leave.
Before the half-night had passed, Owyn and Bugal were sliding down the slopes of the mountainside, bundled so heavily that they could have constituted as fuzzy bears. The snow crackled beneath their feet, echoing in the silence of the frozen forest. Even Bugal, as faithful as ever, would have laid down and buried himself within the snow banks for a good night?s warm rest, if there had not been a dire task to complete.
Inside the furry mask, Owyn puffed out his cheeks and looked down the hazardous escarpment ahead. He stabbed the ski poles into the hard crust of the snow and turned to look at Bugal, whose head was up, one leg poised carefully above the earth. There was a sort of feeling in the air, an anxious feeling, like the moment before plunging into a dive and wondering if you were going to be alive when you smacked the water. Owyn touched his goggles with his thick mitts and began tracking sideways through the trees. An avalanche must have broken off the original route. They passed through the trees, silent wraiths, vulnerable to the crushing hand of nature. Rocks tumbled dangerously away from their feet as they plodded on, an eerie wind rustling through the pine trees about them. Loose snow began to whisk past them, creating a cold, spotted fog that obscured their path.
The escarpment was close now. Bugal dashed ahead, ears flickering, paws constantly testing the weight of the snow. Owyn remained stoic, only concentrating on placing his snowshoes ahead of him, one step at a time. Every now and then his deep eyes flickered towards Bugal, at which point the wolf gave a concerned smile to his master and moved ahead a little faster.
Hours passed and by the time there was an orange glow over the mountains, Bugal and Owyn had reached the river. Bugal stepped out ahead of his master, skittering and slipping on the edge of the bank. His tail high, the wolf stepped out onto the solid ice, ears flickering, paws testing the weight of the ice. In the splitting cold, it was even more dangerous to fall through such ice. But the river seemed completely frozen but none the less treacherous, for it also meant that below its snow-scattered surface might hide sizeable rocks and other debris.
While Bugal scouted out the river, Owyn removed his snowshoes and replaced them with skiing equipment. It took a while, for Own was very cautious of skiing on the ice. After testing his weight, he stepped out, sticking his steel poles into the ice firmly.
Slowly he and Bugal made their way down the river. As the morning sunshine filtered across the land, the fog began to thicken. Owyn felt sick and tired. Not being able to see clearly ahead through the canyon, Owyn decided to sit down on the ice. He carefully secured his supplies, and shoved few handfuls of snow into his mouth along with some rations stuffed into his pockets. Bugal curled up beside him, eyes watching, listening for anything suspicious, as his master gave him a few chunks of dried meat.
They spent half of the morning sleeping. When they awoke, the fog had lifted and the crystalline sunshine had stanched the feeling of dread that had surrounded them.
Two days later they reached the village, after surviving a rock slide that caused them to have many bruises, with tired and hungry faces, greeted their rescuers with cheer.

Seraphim Moonshadow · 2005-09-28 12:24:38

Forgive my word choice. I need to edit this, lol. -__- Mwa! And my grammar..horrible, lol. oh well. Don't worry...I'll fix it soooon enough.

jerbl · 2005-09-28 14:44:11

*BREATH*

huff huff, cough ...

umm, water please, and some light would be nice!

Seraphim Moonshadow · 2005-09-28 16:35:35

*ROTFL!!!!*

Lol, I know, a lot...you dunn have to read it all. ^_^

Wriggling his toes into the itchy material, Brain stiffly slid down onto the cold stone floor. Scuffling lazily he wandered over to the brown chair and flopped down. Crossing his legs, Brian turned his attention to the steaming, jalape?o dotted cheesy omelet accompanied by a gargantuan goblet of rellenberry juice. With a slight grin of amusement he picked up the thick slave of homemade bread dappled with powdered sugar and took a dainty bite. Savoring the toast, he loftily picked up the juice and took a majestic sip. This was the life. Ah, yes, the life he deserved. And the juice had a perfectly creamy blueberry taste and what was this? Jam. Preserved rellenberry jam. However did they come up with such exotic foods in what looked like such a dreary, wintery place? And secondly, was that royal snob with her haughty flounce the cook? If so, she might be worth befriending.

Y'call that DARK!?!?!? Hmm..maybe if you're hungry, I spoze....

Oh, and this is dark, too?

He was ushered into the library, stripped of his belongings, and told to wait until someone took him to the parlor room. Meanwhile, they stored his things in his new room and while the servants toiled, Janus was busy thumbing through the books. He smiled half cattishly at the titles Twenty Ways to Make Dragon Flame Candy and Hair Potion: the man?s way of avoiding baldness. He couldn?t resist chuckling as he placed the books back in their proper places as soon as the maid came and lead him to the parlor room.

Monisawa · 2005-09-28 18:04:28

Wow.....I am swimming in.....uh.....LOTS OF POSTS!!!

Welcome to RIPP3R, you are in good company, I am not good with the whole grammer thing either.

And to Saraphim....uh wow. I'll have to read that some other time. That is a whole lot of STUFF. *_*
thanks
mike

firegem · 2005-09-28 18:10:24

flipping heck moonshadow, when you write i feel like a total amituer, i love ur stuff!!

cough cough,, here goes:

it was after hours in the moetown bar that friday. the joint had closed ten minutes ago, but the old gent at the end of the bar was still asking for whiskey. i had noticed how upset he had looked when he first came in, but didnt mind delivering order after order: he was making the joint some money.
"scuse me!!" he slurred now, trying feebly to hold up his glass. it kept swaying back and forth. "another!"
i went over to him."listen mack, dont you think its time to go home? youve had enough for tonight, and were closed."
he looked cross eyed at me, and then started crying. i lept back in surprise. "im sorry!!" he yelled, far too loudly. "its just that, i lost my rubber duckie, and now the world is coming to an end!!" he put his head down and started sobbing. i was looking at him, wondering if i could call the cops with out him noticing. i started inching away, but his head jerked up, and he grabbed the end of my shirt. "you have to help me!!" he screeched. "i was taking a bath, and then my rubber duckie went down the drain! that night, it visited me in my dream, ten times its normal size! it told me it was sooo mad i had lost it, that it would blow up the world if i didnt find him soon! i looked all over, on my roof, in the dogs kennel, in the fridge, in between my toes, but it hadnt washed up anywhere!! the world is going to die because of me!! what'll i do?" he put his head back down and continued to wail, but he still had a hold of my shirt. i reached for the phone, but slipped on some sort of alchoholic beverage that had suddenly appeared under my feet. i hit the ground hard. under the counter i saw something surprising: a rubber duckie. i picked it up and jumped to my feet. "i found your duckie!" i told the man. "it just happened to be under my bar tending thing." the man raised his tear streaked face. he lit up as soon as he saw the duckie. then he grabbed it and ran off, screaming "hallelujeih!!!" thats about when i quite my job. because the writer couldnt think of another suitable ending.

i dont know if this counts for anythink, its more like me just messing around, or experimenting, or something. but i would still like some comments.

firegem · 2005-09-28 18:15:25

btw mike, i love ur signature.

Monisawa · 2005-09-28 18:55:29

Really? I stole it from April's student handbook. ^_^

It means FEAR of big words. Look it up at www.dictionary.com

Jerbl.com Forums

#26 2005-09-21 23:54:05

Re: The Writing Group

#27 2005-09-21 23:55:12

Re: The Writing Group

#28 2005-09-22 12:19:07

Re: The Writing Group

#29 2005-09-22 13:23:26

Re: The Writing Group

#30 2005-09-22 22:18:50

Re: The Writing Group

#31 2005-09-23 01:52:41

Re: The Writing Group

#32 2005-09-23 08:03:55

Re: The Writing Group

#33 2005-09-23 19:57:51

Re: The Writing Group

#34 2005-09-23 22:11:18

Re: The Writing Group

#35 2005-09-24 09:13:45

Re: The Writing Group

#36 2005-09-24 12:25:14

Re: The Writing Group

#37 2005-09-27 21:32:32

Re: The Writing Group

#38 2005-09-27 22:12:20

Re: The Writing Group

#39 2005-09-27 22:18:12

Re: The Writing Group

#40 2005-09-27 22:19:38

Re: The Writing Group

#41 2005-09-28 10:13:40

Re: The Writing Group

#42 2005-09-28 12:14:04

Re: The Writing Group

#43 2005-09-28 12:17:31

Re: The Writing Group

#44 2005-09-28 12:24:38

Re: The Writing Group

#45 2005-09-28 14:44:11

Re: The Writing Group

#46 2005-09-28 16:35:35

Re: The Writing Group

#47 2005-09-28 18:04:28

Re: The Writing Group

#48 2005-09-28 18:10:24

Re: The Writing Group

#49 2005-09-28 18:15:25

Re: The Writing Group

#50 2005-09-28 18:55:29

Re: The Writing Group

Board footer