more or less, I need to begin again. I do not know all, nor do I know much, but what I do know is that I am not enough. I leave much to be desired on the grand scale of humanity, for achievement, for honor and justice, for life.
Perhaps, when the time is right, when I make the time right, I can overcome all that holds me down.
Perhaps, I really am good enough to do all that God would have me do by virtue of my existence.
Perhaps, as I separate myself from my past, I can once again see a bright future, like when I was on my mission. I saw accomplishment at every turn, power to do all that was right, and a will to keep on going.
I do not wish to over romanticize my past, I was a raw ball of emotion, just as prone to rage as not. If I have done one thing over the course of my 32 years, it is recognize that I have done very little to curb that rage, only that I recognize its presence. It disgusts me, how can I love myself when I have such a gaping hole in my character.
God loves me and that is enough to convince me of my worth, I do not wish to sound despondent and hopeless, for there is light. There is a God, he is my father, and he wishes me to return to him. I know it, and I cannot deny it. If I did deny it, I would be lying in the face of God, and only hellfire awaits those who deny the light when it is shining in their face.
Onward then, and become something greater, keep moving forward, do not dawdle. There is very little time.