I’ve looked inward for far too long to not notice what is happening to me. I wonder if it for the best for me to change for the wrong reasons, if this makes it less permanent or if it will even work. I know that there are things that need to happen, things that I need to change. For one, I am far too selfish. I think of no one but myself, and even when I’m thinking about others, its only with relation to how they affect my life. I am so heavily disconnected from real emotional attachment that I’m not even sure what is up or down anymore. I think stiff-necked would be a perfect description. Entropy, apathy, empty, what am I really? Can I be fixed? I think so, but its going to take a lot of work. I’m getting married in august, that doesn’t leave me much time to figure things out. Maybe the expectation that I can fix everything before is wrong on its head, because isn’t that trying to attain perfection. I’m so confused, more on this later.
Have to admit that when I actually get around to studying in the proper manner that it makes me feel quite good. After flying by the seat of my pants through this class of mine, I need to get my act together. I do believe this is how to feel and do better with studying.
I’ve always wondered what it really takes to change who I am. How far I have to go to remove the bad parts and replace them. How much is really bad and if I need to rip it all out. Who I can ask for help while I am doing it.
I suppose that I have overlooked the most important thing I could do, to pour out my thoughts in a clear and concise way that proves I can still think with what’s left of my brain.
Today marks the beginning of a new time for me. I swear to root out all idle pursuits, starting with the object I hold in my hand, I removed a few things from my phone today that do little for my mental health, in fact I think they have made me quite stupid.
I need to see with eyes unclouded, so here’s to clearing the air a bit.
It is great to see the gospel advance around the world in ways that I never would have imagined when I was serving as a Missionary 10 years ago. It makes me feel good seeing that Honduras is getting a Temple for the many saints that would make treks to the Temple in Guatemala. Such a long trip and the buses that were used weren’t always the best. I am thankful that God allowed me to serve these great people, it has helped shape my life, and helped me understand how important people are and what we can all do for the world. Go check out the rest of the pictures at the main site. Looking to the future it will be a blessing to have a temple so close to where I live when the Kansas City temple is completed and open. Just a good time to be here on the earth participating in my small way in this great gathering of the last days.
Just saw the news, Tim Cook is now CEO. Hope this is good, it is undeniable that Steve Jobs had a positive influence on the company. I pray that Steve Jobs’ health improves.