I’ve looked inward for far too long to not notice what is happening to me. I wonder if it for the best for me to change for the wrong reasons, if this makes it less permanent or if it will even work. I know that there are things that need to happen, things that I need to change. For one, I am far too selfish. I think of no one but myself, and even when I’m thinking about others, its only with relation to how they affect my life. I am so heavily disconnected from real emotional attachment that I’m not even sure what is up or down anymore. I think stiff-necked would be a perfect description. Entropy, apathy, empty, what am I really? Can I be fixed? I think so, but its going to take a lot of work. I’m getting married in august, that doesn’t leave me much time to figure things out. Maybe the expectation that I can fix everything before is wrong on its head, because isn’t that trying to attain perfection. I’m so confused, more on this later.