I’ve looked inward for far too long to not notice what is happening to me.  I wonder if it for the best for me to change for the wrong reasons, if this makes it less permanent or if it will even work.  I know that there are things that need to happen, things that I need to change. For one, I am far too selfish.  I think of no one but myself, and even when I’m thinking about others, its only with relation to how they affect my life.  I am so heavily disconnected from real emotional attachment that I’m not even sure what is up or down anymore.  I think stiff-necked would be a perfect description.  Entropy, apathy, empty, what am I really?  Can I be fixed?  I think so, but its going to take a lot of work.  I’m getting married in august, that doesn’t leave me much time to figure things out.  Maybe the expectation that I can fix everything before is wrong on its head, because isn’t that trying to attain perfection.  I’m so confused, more on this later.